Rambo V: The Special Envoy

U Toke Kyee and the barber are sitting on the bench reading The New Light of Myanmar when Ko Paing walks in and takes a seat in the barber’s chair.

The barber puts down his paper and gets up to greet the young man.

“Good morning, Ko Paing,” he says. “What can I do for you today?”

“Oh, just the usual trim, barber,” he replies.

U Toke Kyee peers over his glasses at the youth and considers him for a moment. Then he says: “Ko Paing? Have you seen the new Rambo movie?”

Ko Paing looks around suspiciously at the door. Then he swivels back and looks at both the barber and U Toke Kyee: “I bought a copy DVD last week. But it was poor quality. Terrible, in fact…”

“Hummph!” snorts U Toke Kyee. “Chinese copies no doubt?”

“I don’t know,” Ko Paing tells the old man, then quickly continues: “Anyway, now all the vendors have been kicked off the streets, so there are no pirated DVDs for sale anywhere.”

“Maybe that’s why the generals banned the street vendors,” smirks the barber. “To stop them selling DVDs of Rambo!”

U Toke Kyee puts down his newspaper and stares up at the ceiling. “I miss the street vendors,” he says. “They gave the area character—a sense that life would going on regardless.”

“Yes!” Ko Paing interjects. “The ice cream seller, the old guy who used to fix shoes at the corner of Bogyoke Aung San Street, the pork kebabs, the woman who cooked up mohingha [Burmese noodles] every morning!”

“The smells of chilli and garlic in the wok,” nods the barber.

“Sugar cane juice!” cries Ko Paing, throwing his hands in the air.

“Sugar cane juice!” repeat U Toke Kyee and the barber together.

The barber goes back to cutting Ko Paing’s hair. The three sit in silence for a few moments. U Toke Kyee looks longingly out the window at the quiet street.

Finally, Ko Paing interrupts the silence: “Anyway, I wouldn’t be able to watch the Rambo movie in my house. We still don’t have electricity.”

“What is all this Rambo nonsense, anyway?” says U Toke Kyee.

“It’s an American movie,” replies Ko Paing. “It’s about an international hero who comes flying in to Burma with guns blazing to save everyone from the junta.”

“Oh,” says U Toke Kyee with eyebrows raised. “Like Gambari?”

“No old man,” laughs Ko Paing. “He’s an action hero. Like a mercenary.”

“So, he’s with the KNU?” asks U Toke Kyee.

“No, no,” Ko Paing laughs. “He’s an American who comes in to save Christian missionaries.”

“Save them from what?” asks U Toke Kyee. “From the Buddhist monks? The terrorists in the monasteries?”

Ko Paing keeps laughing: “I really don’t know, U Toke Kyee.”

U Toke Kyee is confused. “Did Rambo get a visa?” he asks. “Or did he have to wait in line at the immigration office for a two-day pass like Gambari?”

“I think he just flew in,” says Ko Paing.

“Not on Air Bagan, I hope,” says U Toke Kyee. “Their airplanes just break apart and fall out the sky!”

“No, no, U Toke Kyee,” Ko Paing says, struggling to be serious. “Rambo is a secret agent, a warrior. He survives like a savage.”

“So, he’s in the USDA?” asks U Toke Kyee, now thoroughly perplexed.

Ko Paing and the barber both laugh out loud. U Toke Kyee still looks confused.

“Maybe Rambo should be the next special envoy to Burma,” Ko Paing says, shrugging.

“Yes!” nods the barber. “Then next time he can come flying in to Naypyidaw without having to wait for a visa and travel permits. Perhaps next time, instead of saving missionaries, he can save the ministries. Save them from getting taken over by the USDA!”